Fancy Fruit Salad

Want to impress your friends but not really work hard to do it? Have I got just the thing for you - fancy fruit salad. Let's test this out in a few scenarios:

Is your friend hosting a brunch and you need to bring something but don't want to work that hard?
Fancy fruit salad.

Do you have an interview and you want to impress your potential-future employers?
Fancy fruit salad.

Are you planning to go out this weekend and want to be the most popular person at the bar?
Fancy fruit salad. 

Oh my God, that's so fancy

See where I'm going with this? It's appropriate for all occasions!

So what makes this fancy, you ask? First of all, you've only got the good fruit in there. No apples, no melon, no oranges - those don't make the cut. I'm talking premium fruit here, people. The good stuff. Secondly, we really amp up the fanciness but adding some chopped fresh herbs. This takes you from Kimmy Schmidt to Lady Mary from Downton Abbey really quickly. 

You'll need:
- Pineapple (1 package of spears)
- Strawberries (1 carton, tops removed and cut in half)
- Mangoes (2, diced)
- Grapes (2 cups)
- Raspberries (1 carton)
- Blackberries (1 carton) 
- Fresh basil (start with 2 minced tablespoons and add more if needed)
- Fresh mint (start with 2 minced tablespoons and add more if needed)
- Juice from 1/2 lemon

Really, just pick any fruit that people actually want to eat. I made about 10 cups worth because this was for a 10 person brunch. Combine the fruit in a bowl and then gradually add the herbs until you reach your desired level of fancy. I suggest more herbs for brunch at a friends house, but less for an interview/night out at bars (because, you know, they might get stuck in your teeth). Finish with a squeeze of lemon. Voila!

Pinkys up

Indian-Inspired Chicken Burgers

Warning - all of the photos in this post are really bad. I'm talking blurry, off-centered, haphazard shots. No, I was not drinking while taking the photos, and no, I wasn't even really distracted by other things. I'm just really bad at taking photos, apparently. Don't let that stop you from making these awesome burgs!

Photography at it's finest

I was inspired to make these by a few turkey-burger posts I saw floating about on the internet. I did a quick mix of classic good stuff (onion, garlic, ginger, jalapeno) and threw in an Indian spice (garam masala) and determined that was enough to call this Indian-inspired. After a quick cook on the stove top, I served these in a pita (that wishes it was naan) with an herby citrusy yogurt sauce (that wishes it was raita). I chopped up some red onion and cucumber to throw in there as well, and had some spring mix in the fridge that also was allowed to participate. I then made my friends eat it and tell me it was good. Works like a charm!

If you don't want to go through with the whole recipe, I'd say the 3 ingredients you can't leave out are ginger, garam masala, and the yogurt sauce (counting that as 1 ingredient, muaha). If you aren't feeling the burger-in-a-pita approach you can totally eat these with normal buns, or sandwich bread, or over some veggies, or plain. Do what you want what you want with your burger! Let's move on!

You'll need:
For the burgs 
1 lb ground chicken (or turkey, whateva)
1 jalapeno, minced, with 1/2 of the seeds removed
1/4 cup (or a small handful) of fresh cilantro, chopped
1 inch knob fresh ginger, minced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/4 of a large yellow onion, chopped
3 tsp garam masala (also used here)
1 1/4 tsp salt
1 egg, lightly beaten
1/3 cup panko breadcrumbs
Toasted pita (cut it half), cucumber slices, red onion, lettuce for topping


For the sauce 
1/2 c Greek yogurt
Juice from 1/2 lime
5-10 minced mint leaves
1 T minced parsley
Salt

Heat a large frying pan over medium-high heat (7 out of 10) on the stove top. Combine all of the burger ingredients (except the pita and toppings...) in a bowl and mix to combine. You should probably just use your hands for this! Form into 4 large or 6 small burgers - I do six, and I make them super flat so they cook quicker. Slap some oil in the pan (I used coconut), let it heat up, and cook the burgers until cooked through-about 4 minutes a side. Allow to rest for a few minutes before serving.

While your burgers are a-sizzlin, combine the sauce ingredients and season with salt to taste. Feel free to mix up the herbs here - basil and cilantro would both be excellent substitutions for the parsley.

When it's time to mangia, cut open a toasted pita and fill with a burger, sliced cucumber/red onion/spring mix, and drizzle a lot of the sauce in there. Finish with a squeeze of fresh lime and enjoy! If you make these and take a better photo, please text it to me so I can replace these awful ones! :)

I wish I was pretty

 

Bastard Pesto

If I wanted to be fancy about this recipe I would call it "toasted cashew spinach and basil vegan pesto." That sounds impressive, right? Vegan? Wow. Toasted cashews? Damn.

Damn

 But in real life there was no intention behind this. I had way too much spinach and a bit of basil in the fridge that were both on their way to better days, and I scoured the pantry at 8 PM trying to figure out how to use both up without too much effort. 

Why is it vegan? Because I have no cheese.

Why cashews? Because cashews live in the depths of my freezer. 

Why spinach and basil? Because I had too much spinach and not enough basil.

See the trend? I give you - bastard pesto.

You'll need:
Yield - 1 cup of pesto
1 cup chopped spinach
1 cup chopped fresh basil
5 garlic cloves, roughly chopped 
1/2 cup raw cashews, toasted then roughly chopped
1/2-1 teaspoon salt
1/2-1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon crushed red pepper
Juice from 1/2 lemon
1/4 cup olive oil, plus an extra drizzle for luck

Heat a small frying pan over medium high heat and add the cashews. Shaking the pan occasionally, toast the cashews until golden brown - about 3-4 minutes. Or skip this part, whatever!

Place all ingredients except the olive oil in a food processor and pulse to combine. We're going for a very finely chopped texture. When you think you're at a good blending level give it a taste and adjust salt and pepper as needed. Next, add the 1/4 cup olive oil and continue to pulse to combine. Bonus points if you can drizzle it in while pulsing - I haven't mastered that part yet.  If the consistency is still a little dry, add an extra drizzle of olive oil. 

Photograph in front of Arnold, and then just imagine the possibilities for this pesto.

That wingspan!

- Toss with pasta or zucchini noodles
- Top pretty much any protein (chicken, turkey burgs, skrimps)
- Chop of some veggies, scramble in some eggs, and throw this on top

Really, you can put it on almost anything and it won't be a mistake!

I ended up baking halibut in the oven with olive oil, salt and pepper for about 20 minutes at 375, and then spooned the fresh [bastard] pesto on top. So good! So fresh!Enjoy!

Glamorous Peruvian Chicken

Glamorous chicken? Is that a thing, Laura?

Yes, my friends. It is if your chicken looks like THIS:
 

Money shot

 This is the Peruvian Chicken I waxed poetic about in the Peruvian-ish Halibut post from a couple of months ago. This particular chicken looks extra glamorous because I spatchcocked it, which is a fun word for a brutal-sounding task - cutting the back bone out of the chicken so it lays flat. This isn't a delicate procedure, but it's totally worth it. The chicken cooks faster, more evenly, and you almost double the crispy skin. Moment of silence for the kitchen shears that snapped halfway through the spatchcocking process. 

I also whipped up the life-changing green sauce to spoon all over the chicken. It's just so good! You  may have read about this recipe back in Jan, but let's go through it one more time for old time's sake.

 For the chicken:
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
Juice from 2 limes
4 large garlic cloves, roughly chopped
1 tablespoon salt
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon cumin
1 teaspoon dried oregano
2 teaspoons sugar
4-5 lb whole chicken, spatchcocked (see the original recipe linked above for cooking times if you choose not to spatchcock the bird)

Before

During

 

After

Combine all of the ingredients (except the chicken...please don't include the chicken) in a blender or small food processor, and blend until smooth. Remove the giblets from the inside of the chicken and pat the outside of the chicken dry with paper towels. If you're spatchcocking your bird I suggest referencing this video - I can say with full confidence it is 100% impossible to spatchcock a bird and take photos at the same time! 

Using your hands, loosen the skin from the bird over the breasts and legs (try not to tear it if you can!) and spoon about 2/3 of the marinade as evenly as you can under the skin. Spread the rest evenly over the skin. Marinate in the fridge for at least six hours - overnight if you can! 

 When it's roastin time, preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Place a rack in the middle of the oven and roast the chicken (skin side up) for 45-60 minutes, or until the internal temperature reaches 165 degrees. At the end I like to crank up the broiler to high, move the oven rack to a few inches underneath the broiler, and broil the chicken until the skin gets super crispy - about 3 minutes. Keep a close eye during this part, because it can go from crispy to charred super quick! Allow the chicken to rest 10 minutes before you carve (this part is hard but important). Carve the thighs off at the joint, and carefully carve the breasts from the bone.

Roasty

Roasty2.0

For the green sauce: 

3 jalapeño chili peppers, seeded and roughly chopped (keep 1/2 of the seeds if you want a medium-hot sauce)
1 cup fresh cilantro leaves and stems 
4 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
3/4 cup Greek yogurt
Juice from 1 lime
1/2 teaspoon salt
A few cranks freshly grown black pepper
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

 Combine all ingredients in a blender or food processor and photograph in front of the Arnold Schwarzenegger poster in your kitchen. Blend until smooth, transfer to a bowl, and allow to thicken up in the fridge if desired. 

AHNOLD

Thing of beauty

 We had ours with some roasted sweet potatoes (thickly cut up 2 sweet potatoes, sprinkled with chili powder, garlic powder, salt, pep, and olive oil, and bake at 425 for about 20-30 minutes) and a handful of mixed greens - aka lazy girl salad. 

All day

Every day

Prosciutto and Fig Roll Ups

I have 5 recipes to post, but I chose to do this one first because I MADE A GIF! I'M A TECHNOLOGICAL GENIUS!!!! 

This is big, people. I will do everything in my power to make every post into a GIF from here on out. Blessing? Curse? Not sure yet.

Anyway - prosciutto and fig roll ups! Are you ever asked to bring an appetizer somewhere and have a weirdly hard time figuring out what to bring? Well, I do. That's where my version of these babies come in. 4 ingredients, no cooking, and everyone likes them (except for vegetarians, sawee guys). The hardest part of this recipe is peeling the prosciutto out of the pack in a single piece - if you can do that, please mentor me.

Beauty

You'll need:
1 pack of prosciutto
Small log of goat cheese
Fig jam (finally found this by the cheese display, but of course)
Arugula

Lay out the prosciutto slices on a cutting board. If they aren't too mangled when I get them out of the pack I like to cut them in half. Add 1 tablespoon of goat cheese on the top 1/3 of each slice, then follow with a teaspoon of the fig jam. If you have it, add some fresh-cracked pepper over the top. Add a bit of arugula (I used mixed greens this time), and then roll them up. If this is confusing please just stare at the GIF for a while, and then it'll all come together. Voila! You're done! Go impress your friends!