Chill Crock Pot Carnitas

Taco night. Do you have that friend that always suggest taco night? Are you that person?  Oh, it'll be soooo easy. We'll just have to get three different kinds of tortillas, make up the fillings (ground beef AND turkey, obvs), and then chop a gazillion things and put them in their individual bowls. Lettuce! Tomatoes! Jalapenos! Avocado! Onions! Olives! Cilantro! Salsa! OMG we forgot cheese, someone go to the store and get the cheese!

But this recipe can change that, you guys. This recipe can make taco night more chill. 

"But Laura, what if people like different kinds of tortillas??"
I don't care. Eat these with corn tortillas. You can get 400 for I think 75 cents.

"OMG Laura but the toppings? I want all the toppings in the little bowls?"
Shut up! Just make lazy girl guac and put some cilantro on top! Maybe Greek yogurt and a wedge of lime if you're being ambitious! Let the toppings go!

"Laura you're being really aggressive about taco night."
You're right - this is getting intense. I may be overreacting. But I digress.  

beauty pageant tacs

SO - what makes these good? 
1. They are easy. You dump five ingredients in a crock pot, go away, and return to them as some sort of carnitas genius. 
2. This is way more interesting that normal ground meat with taco seasoning. We're talking HERBS, people. SPICES! 
3.  The carnitas are so good, you don't even need a bunch of toppings! More chill!

Enough rambling- on with the recipe!

You'll need:
2 lbs boneless pork shoulder, trimmed (also knows as pork butt)
2 T dried oregano
2 T chili powder
2 T unsweetened cocoa powder
1 t garlic powder
1 jar of salsa (anywhere between 8 and 16 oz is fine) 
1 can of corn (drained)
1 can of black beans (drained)
 For the tacs:
Small corn tortillas
lime (cut in wedges)
Chopped fresh cilantro
Greek yogurt or sour cream
Lazy Girl Guac (recipe at the end!)

Place the pork shoulder in the crock pot, and generously season with salt and pepper. Smother the oregano, chili powder, cocoa powder, garlic powder, and salsa on the pork. This is NOT photogenic! Cook on low for 6-8 hours.

bay leaves optional

Like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, so you shall become DERELICT!

After the crock pot has done all of the work, take two forks and shred the heck out of that pork. It should be really easy. Add the drained beans and corn to the crock pot, and a little salt to taste (duh!)

Okay, you're done! It's taco time! Serve in warm corn tortillas and top with cilantro, guacamole, a squeeze of lime, and Greek yogurt (or sour cream of course).

These got crazy with corn salsa

 If you're still reading this, now it is time to learn about Lazy Girl Guac. This is basically what I make if it is a week night and I need delicious guacamole immediately, with the least amount of effort required. 

You'll need:
2-3 ripe avocados
Juice of 1 lime
Garlic powder
Salt

Mash avocados in a bowl with 2 forks. Add a healthy pinch of salt and a healthy sprinkle of garlic powder (I never measure this so apologies for the ambiguity - start with 1/4 t and add more to taste!). Squeeze in the lime and mix it all together. Adjust seasonings to taste. DONE! Enjoy!

Easy Bacon Broccoli

"It's broccoli....but better!" (Trademark pending)

I noticed that my posts are primarily meat-based entrees, and that I should get some green stuff up here too. With bacon. However this is not aggressively trendy and bacony - it's just a nice addition that won't totally cancel out the fact that you're eating steamed broccoli. The real star of the show here is the apple cider vinegar - it lends the awesome tangy flavor that I think makes this worth eating. This has just a handful of ingredients and is pretty darn tasty. Give it a shot!

You'll need:
3 pieces of uncooked bacon, chopped
1/2 white onion, roughly chopped
2 heads of broccoli, stems removed and florets separated
1 or 2 T apple cider vinegar (start with one, and then decide if you'd like more!)
1/2 t garlic powder
Salt and pep (obvs)

Heat a large frying pan over medium high heat (I'd say a 7 out of 10). Add the chopped bacon and cook for about 3-4 minutes, stirring regularly.  Add the chopped onion and cook for about 5 minutes more, until onions soften and become a little translucent. Keep stirring! Add in the broccoli florets and a couple tablespoons of water to help get that steam going, and pop a lid on. When broc has reached your desired tenderness level (I like mine a little crisp - about 2-4 minutes of steaming) pop off the lid, add in the apple cider vinegar, sprinkling of garlic powder, salt and pep (to taste) and give it a mix. You're done! Now eat your vegetables!

Rosemary-Sriracha Chicken

I trespassed on private property in the early morning hours to make this rosemary-sriracha roasted chicken. 

Allow me to elaborate.  

It's 6:15 in the morning and I want to make this marinade before I go to work, so the chicken can sit in it and get delicious all day. I have all of the ingredients, but no rosemary. At my old apartment I could hop over to the traffic circle across the street and take as much as I wanted (rosemary grows EVERYWHERE in Seattle). But in my new neighborhood I haven't seen any "public" rosemary...instead, the closest bush is in my neighbor's yard, bordering their front door entry.
  

Do I wait and pick some up from the store? Do I swing by the old hood and snip a few branches from a perfectly respectable public source? No...I throw my coat and shoes on over my PJs, grab some scissors, and sneak into my neighbor's yard. I creep up to their front door and breathe a sigh of relief that they don't have motion-activated floodlights. I keep my head down, snip a solid five rosemary branches, and then book it down their pathway, across the street, and back into the safety of my apartment. Isn't cooking exciting??? 

Worth it

Sometimes cooking chicken gets boring. Especially if you are trying to be healthy. ENTER: rosemary-sriracha chicken (adapted from here). It comes together quickly, has a delicious, earthy, and unexpected flavor, and can sometimes cause unexpected petty crime. Let's get on with it, shall we?

You'll need:
Bone-in, skin on chicken drumsticks, thighs, or breasts.  I always do drumsticks for myself and white meat for Curtis.
1/2 c plain Greek yogurt
4 T olive oil
Juice of 1 lemon
4 T finely chopped fresh rosemary
4 T sriracha
4 cloves garlic, minced
salt and peppa (about 1/2 t each)

Generously salt and pepper chicken and place in a large ziploc. Combine all ingredients (except chicken, silly!) in a medium bowl, and then pour into the bag. Do what you gotta do to make sure the chicken is evenly coated. Place in fridge and let marinade for at least an hour...as you can read from above, I prefer if the chicken is marinated for at least 8 hours/overnight.

Frantically thrown together before going to work

Forgot about the ziploc trick - more dishes for me

Preheat oven to 375 F and line a baking sheet with foil (if you're smart and don't want to scrub dishes). Arrange the chicken evenly in a single layer - I recommend putting the bigger pieces on the edges, and the smaller pieces inside. Bake 35-40 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through. At the end, broil on high for about 5 minutes, or until the skin is crispy and golden. 

I like to boil the remaining marinade and spoon over the chicken when it is done. The sauce looks pretty weird after it is boiled, but I promise it still tastes good!

Looks aren't everything???

I served this with some easy bacon-broc, which I'll post soon!

******Update: At the time this was posted, I have found a more appropriate neighborhood rosemary source that does not require trespassing.******

Peruvian-ish Halibut

I moved to Seattle from DC almost 3 years ago, and the food I miss most - hands down - is Peruvian chicken. Specifically from Pollo Rico. Specifically specifically quarter dark meat, extra green sauce, fries, coleslaw, with a Sprite, eaten cross legged while sitting on the floor in front of my coffee table on a Sunday afternoon POTENTIALLY suffering from being over-served the evening before. (It's happened). Who's with me?!?

You think this would be a recipe for Peruvian chicken, right? It's not. We recently won the friends of friends of friends lottery and got a bunch of freshly frozen halibut, spot prawns, and dungeness crab from a family who goes on a yearly Alaskan fishing trip. They haul in so much fish that somehow even we get a piece of it - trickle down fishenomics. I was looking up different halibut recipes, but I just kept thinking about how I really wanted to eat it with this green sauce. So I made a few adjustments to my favorite Peruvian-style roast chicken marinade, threw the fish in, whipped up the green sauce, and hoped for the best!

Thankfully it was delicious - you should make it too!

You is kind, you is smart, you is important

You'll need:
For the fish:
 3 T extra virgin olive oil
Juice from 2 limes
4 large garlic cloves, roughly chopped
1/2 T kosher salt
2 t paprika
1 T cumin
1 t dried oregano
1 t sugar
1-2 lbs halibut (cod or swordfish would work, too)

For the green sauce:
 [Note - the original recipe calls for sour cream and mayonnaise, but I use all Greek yogurt and it is still super delicious]
2 or 3 jalapeno peppers, seeded (I keep about half of the seeds)
1 cup fresh cilantro leaves
4 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
3/4 cup Greek yogurt
Juice of 1 lime
1/2 t salt
2 T extra virgin olive oil

Preheat oven to 375 F, and place rack in the center. Combine all of the marinade ingredients in a blender/food processor and blend until smooth. Pour over your halibut. Simple enough. You think I could've remembered to take a picture before putting it in the oven, amirite?

Epic food blogger styled photo

 Note that fish doesn't need to be (and really shouldn't be) marinated for a long time, like beef or chicken. I think it would be ok if the fish was marinated for about 30 minutes or so, but if you go much longer the lime juice might start "cooking" the fish. 

Cook the halibut for about 15-25 minutes, depending on the size of the fish. This hunk-o-halibut took about 20 minutes. 

While the fish is a-bakin, combine all of the green sauce ingredients into a blender or food processor and blend until smooth. Transfer sauce to a bowl and allow it to thicken up in the fridge while you wait for the fish to bake. 

After the fish is done, allow to rest for about 10 minutes. I don't know if this is necessary, but I just did it. 

See? Peruvian-ish!

I served mine alongside some roasted root veggies and steamed broc, and went nuts with the green sauce.

So nice I posted this picture twice

Not-Boring Kale Caesar

Kale salads kind of suck. No, seriously - they kind of suck. They're always the same (walnuts, cranberries, goat cheese), they're always weirdly chewy, and I usually only order them out of guilt. "Yes I'll have a jug of wine, the mozzarella sticks, and the..uh..kale salad. Thanks."

Well, ladies and gents, have I got news for you. THIS kale salad is seriously delicious and seriously not boring. In fact, it might be too much to handle for people who can't really do spice. You've been warned!

This is my version of Shutterbean's Smokey Kale Caesar Salad. I changed the ingredients a bit and eliminated all of the cheese. It's definitely good with the cheese - it's just that I didn't really notice the difference when I left it out, which means I can eat more cheese in the form of mozzarella sticks at a different time.

My biggest regret is not making the croutons when I photographed this. If you make this, dear God MAKE THE CROUTONS, PLEASE for me.

You'll need:
2 bunches of curly kale, chopped (about 10 cups)
 1 lemon, juiced

 For the dressing:
1 T red wine vinegar
1 lemon, juiced
4 cloves garlic, sliced
3 anchovy filets, chopped (don't be a wimp - just do this)
1 1/2 t dried chipotle chili powder
1 1/2 t smoked paprika
1 egg yolk (like I said...don't be a wimp)
1/4 c extra virgin olive oil 
1/4 c Greek yogurt

Mix vinegar, juice from 1 lemon, garlic, anchovies, chipotle chili powder, and smoked paprika in a bowl. Add olive oil, egg yolk, and Greek yogurt, and mix with an immersion blender until well incorporated*. It will be really thick - don't worry. Add salt and pepper to taste.

*There's a good chance you have way too much dressing now. I haven't fixed that glitch yet.

Put the chopped kale in a giant bowl and squeeze the remaining lemon juice. "Massage" the kale with your hands. The acid + your massage really helps the kale loosen up and not be as chewy and uptight. Next, add the dressing a bit at a time and mix it with your hands - about half of the dressing should do. Toss in the croutons before serving, and love life!

I wish there were croutons on  you

For the croutons:
Half loaf of good bread
Olive oil
Salt
Dried herbs (think rosemary, basil, oregano, etc.)
Garlic powder 

Preheat the oven to 350 F. Tear bread into pieces (about an inch) and place on baking sheet. Add a good drizzle of olive oil, and toss with the bread until evenly coated. Season with a good amount of salt, dried herbs, and garlic powder. Place baking tray in the oven and bake for 10 minutes - stir crouts around, and bake for another 5 minutes. Enjoy!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chimichurri Flank Steak

My boyfriend is a sauce man. I'd say an extreme sauce man. One time when we were at a baseball game he got THIS much ketchup with garlic fries: 
 

Slightly unreasonable

Love of the sauce is what prompted us to start making chimichurri. I've tried a few recipes and this one from Bon Appetit is my favorite. There are a few changes in my version below, which I'd say is even better than the original! #brag

I like to use flank steak, but you could put this sauce on anything - chicken, fish, veggies, or eggs if you're crazy. 

You'll need:
1/2 c red wine vinegar
1 t kosher salt
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 small shallot, finely chopped
1 jalapeno, finely chopped (I removed 1/2 of the seeds)
1/2 c minced fresh cilantro
1/4 c minced fresh flat-leaf parsley
1/4 c minced fresh mint
2 T minced fresh oregano
3/4 c extra-virgin olive oil

Combine vinegar, salt, garlic, shallot, and jalapeno in a medium bowl. Let stand for about 10 minutes while you chop up all those fresh herbs. Throw those herbs in there, and then use a fork to whisk in the oil. Remove 1/2 c or so of the sauce to a small bowl, season with some additional salt, and put aside for a sauce. 

Take your flank steak and stab it all over with a fork. DISCLAIMER: I don't know if this really does anything - growing up we always had to stab meats excessively before marinating, so I wanted to keep the tradition alive. Cover the steak all over with the ch-ch-ch-chimichurri and let it marinate for 3 hours to overnight. 

Hello, beautiful!

When you're ready to rumble, set your oven to broil and move a rack to the top of the oven. Line a baking sheet with foil and place the steak in the center. Broil on each side for 5 minutes. When done, allow the steak to rest for 10 minutes. This part is important! And hard! 

Slice that bad boy against the grain and serve with the reserved extra sauce. So good! So fresh! So saucy!

I paired this with a smoky kale caesar, which I'll post soon!

Asian-ish Lettuce Wraps

 Ah, Asian-ish lettuce wraps. These come together super quick and are great for a weeknight dinner. I usually end up making these a lot during Bachelor/Bachelorette season, because I can mindlessly chop while watching 24 year old nannies chase love. I toss the fixins in a tupperware so everything comes together even quicker the next day. Additional bonuses include:
1. You only need one pan
2. You can add a bunch of extra veggies or none at all
3. You don't HAVE to watch the Bachelor to make these
4. This is another adapted HungryMom recipe, so you know it's good
5. This is healthyish, so you might lose 3 lbs
 

Thank you, Chris Harrison!

You'll need:
1-2 T coconut, sesame, olive oil - whatever you have 
1 lb ground turkey or chicken (sometimes I go crazy and use half and half)
2 cloves minced garlic
1 inch knob of ginger, minced
1 8 oz can water chestnuts, drained and chopped  
1-2 cups assorted chopped veggies (think carrots, celery, bell peppers, mushrooms...let your imagination run WILD)
2 Tbsp soy sauce
1/4 c hoisin sauce
1 tsp chili-garlic sauce (Sambal Oelek or sriracha both work!)

to serve:
1/4 c fresh cilantro
lime wedges
Romaine hearts

 I don't have pictures of the process because it all just happened so fast. 

Heat a large pan over medium-high heat. Add the 2 Tbsp of oil and bring to temp, then add ground turkey and let brown for a few minutes. Add ginger, garlic, and the rest of the chopped veggies and continue to stir for another 5 minutes or so, until meat is cooked through and veggies are cooked to desired level. 
Sauce time! Heyo! Add in the soy sauce, hoisin, and chili-garlic sauce and stir to combine. Throw in the drained, chopped water chestnuts and some salt (for kicks). Ok, you're done! Serve these up on romaine leaves and top with fresh cilantro, lime juice, and more sriracha.
 

Neeeki, do you assept this lettuce wrap?